Woof-Roof-Poof!

2010-04-21T21:37:00.003+08:00

Yes, I know.
I've not been updating.
Kinda got sucked into the life of an auditor.
My final 2 weeks in audit before I return to a full blown tax peak on the 11th floor of KPMG tower.
Can't say that I'm too excited about that.

<<<<<>>>>>

One of the biggest struggle in my life is managing my finances.
Try as I might, I can't seem to save.
It's frustrating as I've been working for about 1 1/2 years now and my savings are 'immaterial' (as the auditors would put it).
I was reflecting on this issue as I was driving to work for my second shift (it's an audit thing..).

As soon as my salary comes in, I would withdraw RM1k for my tithes, parent's allowance, parking top-up, toll top-up and phone bill. The remaining balance would probably sustain me for about a week of food.

The following week, I'll definitely need to withdraw again to pay off my credit bills and for my petrol and food.

I hardly do any shopping except for the vital items like facial care and contact lens and its peripherals.

Since January, I've stopped using my credit card for petrols in my efforts to curb my spending. So, it's mostly cash transactions now unless I did not have enough cash with me at the particular moment.

Each month, I make a budget and it would appear that i can save.
But at month end, none of my budget would materialise.
I have a going concern issue (another one of those audit jargons)

But today, as I was driving, God gave me a word of comfort.
I felt it in my spirit that God was saying "You are placing your money in heaven's bank account and the interests you reap will be so much more than what you can place in earth's banks".
It's strange and bizaar I know.
But it was deeply comforting to know that God knows and hears my plight.
He knows my struggles.
Just knowing that He still hears me and still looks out for me is good news already.
The fact that He acknowledges my givings is an added bonus.
So Praise the Lord!

<<<<<>>>>>

I wonder whether I would suffer in the future as a result of my lack of sleep in my youth now....

-Bex-

First time

2010-02-23T23:14:00.003+08:00

Today was my first time.
It was exhilarating.
It was difficult to stay away when the temptation was so intense.
I was inexperienced and yet it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be.
Maybe cos I had someone to teach me.
I wish I could do it again.... and maybe I will.
Today was my first time auditing a store stock count. =)

Monday blues

2010-02-22T08:18:00.001+08:00

It's Monday. Yipee......not!
Back to the rat race.

(I think I need to stop feeling so negative)

Got.to.move.on

2010-02-18T20:56:00.000+08:00

Anyone knows of nice, good paying jobs?
Somewhere in Shah Alam?
I think I'm losing my fire.
Feels like I'm losing my purpose.
Like I don't know why i exist anymore.
Time to move on.
Or maybe just need time to reflect.

Money money

2010-02-18T13:47:00.000+08:00

I need help.
Desperate help.
Someone teach me how to manage my finances please.
I do not know where my money is going.
It's mid-month.
And there are still bills to be paid.
I'm up to my neck already.
Super depressed.
Help!

Shopping....yet again!

2009-10-06T13:10:00.001+08:00

I need to stop myself from shopping!

Had lunch on my own today.
Cos my colleagues were in training.

I knew I didn't to get myself a pair of sandals.
In the end, I bought TWO pairs.
On the basis that I can't decide which was the better one.

Then, I walked around the area, and i saw earrings.
RM 2.90 per pair.
Cheap right?
Ended up with 3 pairs.

Sigh.

I MUST save!!
Or else, no Japan.
No Setia Alam house.
No wedding.

Boo hoo!

Bex

Embarrassing event # 1

2009-10-05T13:00:00.004+08:00

Came into office this morning and saw that I had an email from one of the TARC lecturers.
Oh, it's an invitation to the college's anniversary.
Nice... I'm interested to go.

Proceeded to forward the email to Solomon to invite him.
Typed "Babe, want to go?"

*Sent*

"You've got 1 new message"

*Clicks open*

"???Unfortunately, I will be abroad (sob, sob..).BTW, if you have a proposal plan and budget for your dream project, I could pass it to a philanthropist. "

Huh? What kind of reply is that? Going abroad?

Looked up to the sender's name.

It's not Solomon!
It's my lecturer!

Instead of forwarding the email to Solomon, I had replied to my lecturer!!!!!!

I just called the lecturer babe!

He probably thought I'm seducing him or something. EEEEEEWWWWWWwwww!

Malu to the max!

Bex

Car Sticker

2009-10-02T08:26:00.002+08:00

I saw this on the car in front of me while driving to work yesterday.

"My boss is a carpenter's son. He promised me a raised when he returns"
(or something like that..)

Nice!

Bex

Rain + sleep

2009-09-30T08:37:00.001+08:00

It was raining this morning.
Nice soft rain.
Not the scary ones.

I wanted to just stay in bed.

It took me 5 attempts to get myself up and head for the shower.

Sigh.
I want to lie in bed and day dream.

Bex

F1

2009-09-28T08:27:00.001+08:00

Just found out that 1Malaysia F1 team is recruiting.
Trying won't hurt right? hehe.

<<<<<>>>>>

Got back from Solo's church retreat yesterday.
Had a good time.
Felt more comfortable with his church setting.
Starting to fit in I guess.
I like how his church is so closely connected.

Went for white-water rafting for the first time.
Fun!!
But I wished that it was more terrifying.
It was only a Grade 1, 2 & 3 river so not much excitement.
But it was an experience.

<<<<<>>>>

Back to work.
Sigh..

Bex

Regrets I have a few

2009-09-22T01:18:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time.
To stop myself from doing what I did.
Alas, too late now.
The memories stil haunt me.
And I know it hurts you too.
I'm sorry.
I want to let it go.
But it's hard to move on.
Even though we pretend it's behind us.
We both know that it's lingering in the shadows.
Sigh.
Regrets.. regrets.

Bex

Career Quiz

2009-09-22T00:43:00.002+08:00

Read this from Sue May's blog.
Decided to give it a try.

<<<<<>>>>>

You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to be creative (but... i'm NOT creative!) , without having to be involved with lots of people (true..). Some careers that would be perfect for you are:

Artist (Hah!)
Historian (*Yawns*)
Banker (Is this the same field as taxation? Then, I'm in the right job)
Novelist (One of my many childhood ambitions until I realised that I was nothing special)
University Professor (Maybe in years to come.. if i ever develop a love for reading journals)
Photographer (Actually, I have a small interest in photography now)
Vet (Another of my childhood dream until I did miserably in STPM)
Paralegal (Gave thought to this but some lawyer friends told me to back off from stealing thier rice bowl)
Graphic Designer (In my wildest dreams...)
Online Content Developer (What's this?)
Webmaster (No way!)
Producer (Ooh... interesting...)
Managing Director (Hehe... I don't mind!)
Nutritionist (First, I need to nutrify myself)
Advertising (And then my client would go bankrupt..)
Nursing (Nah... I'm not that nice)

You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but don't like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private. (As much as this is hard to believe, I really like to be alone)

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You don't like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be deeply involved in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others and protect their feelings.

You trust your gut instincts. You are easily inspired and trust that inspiration. You are very innovative. You analyse things by looking at the big picture. You are concerned about how what you do affects others. You worry about your actions and the future. You tend to use a lot of metaphors and are very descriptive and colourful in your choice of language.

You are very creative (I seriously doubt this) and get bored easily (very true) if you don't get to express yourself. You like to learn new things. You don't like the same old routine. You like to leave your options open. (Haha.. still am... hehe..)

<<<<<>>>>>

Maybe I took the test half-heartedly. Somehow, the description above doesn't sound like me. Maybe it is me and I'm living a pretentious life. Or in denial. Hmm..

Latest record

2009-09-16T19:46:00.000+08:00

Newest record for staying in office : 4 am and returning back to the the office by 8.30am.

Enough said.

Bex

Money money

2009-09-09T07:52:00.002+08:00

I know I promised pics.
Haven't gotten round to organising them.
Bah.

Sidetrack a little.
Solomon and I are really struggling to pay for the house.
We need a downpayment of RM 14,350 (5% of the cost of RM 307,000 less RM 1,000 booking fee).

I think we are RM 10,000 short.
It is frustrating.
There is nothing that you can do without money.

God is faithful.
He has placed certain people in our lives who just came up and asked " you need money? we lend to you first..."
Of that, I'm truly grateful.

The thing is because of this downpayment, I won't get to go to Japan next year.
I thought of saving RM 500 per month so that by next year, I would have more than enough for my vacation.
I guess it's a trade-off la.
Which is more important?
Which do you want more?

It's scary.
Like now, sometimes we argue...
Over money.
Yikes!
I get it.
Solomon is really stressed out over it.

And yesterday I felt even more stressed out.
When parents asked me to do 2nd job.
Out of office hours.
Crazy.
I need to rest.
Started talking bout how my dad could do it.
Well..I'm not him.
And I don't want to end up like him - a workaholic.

It's just one of the days.
I feel inadequate.

It's been 9 months since I started working.
But to be honest, I hardly have any savings.
Even though sometimes I deny myself of the things I want.. like good food.
I don't know why... I just can't save much.
Always something to spend on each month.

Sigh.

New place

2009-09-02T08:36:00.002+08:00

I've been transferred to a new corporate tax unit.
Finally, graduated from pool training.

At least it's a better view now.
Got a window view.
Can see houses, condominiums and a building-in-progress.
If i stand, i get to see the LDP.

But it's also bittersweet.
Freedom is outside.
While i'm cooped inside.

<<<<<>>>>>

Filing ended on 14th August!
YEAY!
No more late nights.
No more work on weekends.
Yipee!

<<<<<>>>>>

Japanese girls came down for a week.
Went broke taking them out.
One night in KL Plaza.
2 nights in Berjaya Georgetown Penang.
2 nights in KL Plaza again.
Pics out soon.

Had fun though it was really tiring being tour guide.
Thank God I had Solomon to entertain them.
And Dih Haw who entertained them with anime stories.

It was a good break.

<<<<<>>>>>

Had mission trip to Lawas, Sarawak also.
Awesome awesome time.
Injured my right leg from mislanding after a jump while dancing around.
Lost my voice due to extensive singing and shouting.
But God was awesome.
He is doing a good work there.
And I miss the worship from the Longpasia group.
It was just so fun to dance in worship for 2 hours non-stop!!!

<<<<<>>>>>

I hope to travel to Japan next year.
Exactly one year from now.
Summer in Japan.
Yuka and Midori say that's the best time to travel.
Hopefully can save enough la.

<<<<<>>>>>

Trying to get loan for our house.
And the downpayment.
Yikes!

Back to work.
Bex

Taxation is taxing

2009-08-12T21:25:00.002+08:00

Been working late everyday.
Yesterday new record - 2 am.
So exhausted.
Body is constantly trembling.
Cos the body wants to sleep.
But the brain says no.

Work never ends somehow.
I'm so tired.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Partner had a pep talk with me.
Told me the perks of working hard.
Like earning 30K a month... or even 100K a month.
Not sure why she had such a chat with me.
Maybe to motivate me.
Maybe to tell me "oi...buck up!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tired.
Maybe I'll just stay in hotel tonight.
Just too tired.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've lost weight.
Can see my bones now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Bex

Happy

2009-07-28T21:48:00.000+08:00

I'm happy.

Cos I finished 2 tax computations already.

One more on hand which is 70% completed.

Another one to finish... and that's lots more!

One more advisory work to do.

Woo hoo...

Less stressed already.

So that's only 3 on hand now.

Yeay!

bex

Frustration

2009-07-26T18:55:00.002+08:00

This is going to be another whiny post.

During my studies for ACCA, i was rather miserable.
Cos I felt that I was not enjoying my life.
Constant stress.
Lack of sleep.
Lack of food.
Lack of rest.
Gave up a lot of things - social life, movies, hanging out, tv, sleep, dates, internet.
Almost everything.
All my time and attention just to study so that I wouldn't fail.
I kept thinking "It would be all over once I finish ACCA. Then i can have the life i've always wanted".
Actually, I think i said the same thing during SPM...then STPM.
The cycle repeated at ACCA.
Now I've finished ACCA.. by the grace of God who somehow pulled me through.
Even when I gave up, He never did.
But I see the same cycle repeating.
At work.
Having to give up many things again.
Just to work.
It makes me think "Is this what I want in life?"
I don't want to waste my youth away.
Yet, if I don't strive for something, I feel meaningless.
So, it's an internal struggle again.
I know that if i settle for a simpler job with lower pay, I will be envious of my more successful friend.
But I do long for a simple life.
Maybe i'm just tired now.
Dad keeps warning me not to get burnt out.
But I feel burnt out.
Maybe cos I push myself too hard.
Keep expecting too much out of myself.
I'm so afraid that my life is slipping out of my hands.

Last Sunday, i treated myself to breakfast at Old Town before coming in for breakfast.
On the tv, there were snippets of wise sayings.
Let me paraphrase one of it.
"Life is like a coin. Don't let someone else spend it for you"
Got me thinking.
Am i letting others dictate how i should live?
I want to enjoy life as how God made it to be.

Oh God... I need you.
Jesus, sweet Jesus, I need you so much.

Bex

Tired and Angry

2009-07-23T20:49:00.002+08:00

I'm so dazed.
Tired and angry.
I'm already up to my limits with work.
But it still keeps coming in.
I am grateful for the exposure and experience.
But I'm just so tired.
Before I can finish one, another comes in.
It just feels so unfair.

Shut up and let me whine.

I'm really tired.
I can't think straight.

I had to take MC just to sleep yesterday.
And the panel doc would not give me an MC.
Saying I had no valid reason.
What the?
I was unfit for work duty.. cos I'm over exhausted.

Even when I was sleeping at home, i still get calls from the office.

I took double valiums yesterday.
In a span on 8 hours.
Just so that I could sleep.

Saw another doc.
Got an MC.

Requested for sleeping pills.
Could see that he was empathetic with my situation.
Gave me drowsy pills so that i can sleep.

Someone just passed me another file.
This afternoon, senior asked me to help her with another tax revision.

I'm tired.
So very tired.

bex

Cravings

2009-07-21T18:56:00.002+08:00

I've been craving for food.
No, I'm not pregnant.
There is not even a slightest chance in that.

Today, I want ice cream.
Normally a simply McD ice cream would be enough.
But no.
Not today.
Today I want Thornton's icecream.
And that is something I cannot get.
Well, unless someone ships if from UK.
But by that time, there will be no more ice cream.

Maybe a cake will do..
Hmmph.

Stress makes people fat.
I agree.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Solo and I are really stressed out bout finding money for the house.
We need 5% come September.
RM 15,000 in 2 months.

Oh God, please provide!
We believe that we were not lead to the house by chance.
Nothing is impossible for you.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hungry.
Food .... food!!

bex
And we continue to trust in you.

Sunday... and in office

2009-07-19T22:51:00.002+08:00

It's 10.51 pm.
I'm alone in office.
Tired.
Still lots to do.
Throat hurts.
I think i'm sick.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Solo and I bought a house!

Well..it's not really ours yet.
Just booked it.
Cos it's not launched yet.
Hehe. =)
One step closer to marriage. =)

Bex

2009-07-14T12:26:00.002+08:00

Hebrews 13:15-16 (New International Version)

15 Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name.

16 And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

Paul makes it clear that pleasing God also involves a commitment to serve those around us, looking to Jesus as our example. “Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself” (Romans 15:2-3).

(Source : http://www.rbc.org/bible-study/strength-for-the-journey/daily-strength.aspx#)

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>

I finally understand why God made me the way I am.

Hah!

I've been so silly.

Indeed God, you know the innermost desires of my heart.

Even when I have no clue who i am.

Yet, you knew me and moulded me to be in this position that i am today.

Thank you Lord.

bex

Sleep deprived.... still!

2009-07-14T08:17:00.002+08:00

I know I should have slept early yesterday.
But it's not always that I could catch an episode of House.
So I watched.
10pm - 11pm.

And so i'm sleep deprived again.

*yawn yawn yawn*

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Mom helped me pay off my car loan!
There was a remaining 10k or so.
Since it was so little and my dad wanted to transfer the car to my name, they decided to pay it off.

Mom : Now you pay me RM 100 for the next 12 years.
Me : WHAT??? I only have 4 years left to pay for the car...
Mom : Yeala.. but you pay me alot lesser now ma. No interest some more. Later when your earning capacity increases, you pay me more la.
Me : Oh... ok. *feeling ackward cos my parents are seldom so generous".. thanks.

So.. yea.. now my mum is my Ah-Long.

Thank god for parents to rely on... especially financially.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.

I've been praying lately for help financially cos money is very very tight for me.
Like last weekend, I sent my car for service and the bill came up to RM 520!
That's my entire month's saving!
Sigh.

Things keep popping up.

So THANK YOU LORD for providing.

Bex

Sleep deprived

2009-07-13T12:56:00.002+08:00

I'm sleep deprived.

I took a nap on Sunday afternoon thinking that it would help me recover some lost sleep.

Ended up not being able to sleep at night.

Went to bed at 11.30pm.
Rolled around till 12.44 am.

Decided to take one of the pills the doc gave to help me sleep.
He gave them to me just in case the sound in my ear gets too loud.

Took it.
Within 15 mins, I became groggy.
And finally... i slept.

I'm still tired and sleepy.
Maybe today I can have better sleep.

*yawns*

bex

blegh!

2009-07-07T08:17:00.002+08:00

i'm tired.
lack of sleep.

good thing is that the sound in my ear is reducing.

saw doc on sat.
we both decided to just let it be.
will see him in 6 months to check whether there is further hearing loss.

i'm really tired.
i need a holiday.

a good holiday.

can't wait for Sarawak mission trip.
Can't wait for Solomon's church retreat.
Thinking of going for I-bridge camp.

August...come quickly!
No public holidays in July. Sad.
But when august comes, then my hectic weekend starts.

Decide to torture myself by taking up 3 CFP modules this time round.
I'm a sadist.

Sleepy.
Work work work..

Bex

Claustophobic?

2009-06-29T08:23:00.002+08:00

So I spent a night in the hospital.
I expected it to be a relaxing 2 days where I can catch up on my reading.
Or perhaps organise all my photos from Sheffield which I took a YEAR ago and have not been touched ever since I returned to Malaysia.
Or perhaps listen to the sermon that Cheng Yee gave me.
Nopes.
None of that happened.

Reached the hospital at 8.15am.
Went to my room by 8.30am.
Waited for the nurses to take me down to the radiology department for my scan.
That's when my nightmare began.

Had to change it a gown.. which I couldn't figure out how to tie.
I asked the nurse for assistance.
Her answer "dear...just tie it in anyway. as long as you are confortable and it doesn't fall off".
So.. i just looped the it around.
Felt like a nun.

Then came the MRI.
She pushed me into the machine and told me not to move.
Actually I didn't have any space to move.
My head was cushioned at the sides giving me no space to move.
30 minutes only she said.

How hard can that be right>
Just close my eyes and sleep.
Dont' move? no problem!

So wrong!
After 10 mins, I was starting to fidget.
The machine had noises and they were just giving me a headache.
I was so tempted to press the emergency button cos I couldn't take it.
I had to force myself to think of highlands...parks... beach.
The more I forced myself to think, the more painful my head.
And then my stomach began to feel queasy.
Not good.
A little more.
Just hang it there.
Think of Solomon.
Think of Bobby.

Finally, I couldn't take it.
I was about to press the button to call the technician when I heard to door open!
Phew!
Relief!

Changed into my clothes and hurriedly walked back to my ward.
And then the vomitting began.
A total of 3 times.
Nauseous the whole day until 11pm when I tried to sleep.
When I finally dosed off, there was this man who was screaming at the top of his lungs.
Arguing with every single nurse.
And the nurses were shouting at him in return.
Somehow, I managed to doze off.
Only to be woken up every 2 hours by the nurses to check for body temperature and blood pressure.
I'm fine!
I'm not sick!
I'm only here so that my insurance would pay for my expenses!
Bah!

So...after all that pain and aguish, I've got good and bad news.
MRI shows a perfectly normal vascular system.
that means nothing wrong with my blood vessels.
One possible cause ruled out.

Doc said maybe it's my sinus blockage.
Did a second nose scope.
Nopes...not that.

At this point, he said "I honestly do not know what is wrong with you".
"Take some valium at night so you can rest.
I'll give you MC for a week. Just take a break. Are you stressed?"
Me : NO! I have very good stress management... (I think!).
Doc : Come back next week and let's see if you still hear them. Try ignoring it. Our brains are very powerful. It exaggerates.
Me : Ok..

So.. yea.. going back next week.
I still hear the sounds.
Sometimes even in the office.
It's more 'wooshing' now. Like wind in a cave.
Especially when I bend down.
And at nights.
But I've found an angle where I can sleep without hearing it.
It's just annoying to be greeted every morning by 'dut-dut... dut-dut'.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Bobby's skin is getting better.
He's so adorable..

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Wathced Transformers.
2 times!
Entertaining.

bex

A night in the hospital

2009-06-21T16:33:00.001+08:00

I'll be staying in Sunway Medical Centre for a night tomorrow (Monday).
No.. nothing serious.
No one died either.
I just need to do a MRA for my ear.
Went for follow up on saturday and the pulse is still there.
So the doc has ordered an MRA (something like MRI).
For insurance purposes, I would need to stay for a night.
I'm gonna be so bored... cos i'm not sick!
I just have this 'pulsatile tinnitus'.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I've said yes for the Sarawak mission trip! =)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

My dog (Bobby) has pimples!
Yikes!
A visit to the vet today just costed me (actually..my family. it's a family dog....so everyone must share the cost right??) RM 87!!!
His shampoo alone was RM 42!!!
That's twice the amount im paing for MY own shampoo!!
And then there's his antibiotics..
Sigh..
Like i'm not broke enough already.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Happy Father's Day!
Haven't celebrated it yet cos daddy is busy in office working out his taxes.
No, i can't help cos i'm still a useless tax consultant.

Bex

Friday!

2009-06-19T07:52:00.004+08:00

It's Friday!

Happy!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

God works in very strange ways.
Or He likes eavesdropping into my THOUGHTS!
(Which I don't quite mind.. well, unless i'm thinking not-your-average-clean-thoughts).

When Justin told me bout a mission trip to Sarawak 2 months ago, I had the inclination to go.
I just brushed it off.
Cos I will have classes then, I will have no money, I've already gone for the last mission trip to Thailand.
All kind of excuses la!

I was thinking bout it few days ago again.
Not heavy thinking.
But the thought would just pass by.
And it's like this nagging thing that you have.
But as usual, I brushed it off giving all kind of excuses.
(In retrospect, no wonder I decided not to continue studying - so that got more time and money to other things that matter more)

Yesterday, Justin just emailed me and asked if I wanted to go.
Out of the blue!

See, what struck me as strange is that I've not been telling anyone bout my toughts at all!

I still haven't given him my final answer.
Cos I'm pending Solomon's decision on whether he's taking me for holiday in August.
But I think God's hand is on this mission trip and He's paving a way for me to go.

God, you are so strange... but I love You for it!

bex

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

After I wrote this post, I went to my daily devotion website (http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php).

And this is the devotion for the day!

The wind really was boisterous and the waves really were high, but Peter didn’t see them at first. He didn’t consider them at all; he simply recognized his Lord, stepped out in recognition of Him, and "walked on the water." Then he began to take those things around him into account, and instantly, down he went. Why couldn’t our Lord have enabled him to walk at the bottom of the waves, as well as on top of them? He could have, yet neither could be done without Peter’s continuing recognition of the Lord Jesus.

We step right out with recognition of God in some things, then self-consideration enters our lives and down we go. If you are truly recognizing your Lord, you have no business being concerned about how and where He engineers your circumstances. The things surrounding you are real, but when you look at them you are immediately overwhelmed, and even unable to recognize Jesus. Then comes His rebuke, ". . . why did you doubt?" ( Matthew 14:31 ). Let your actual circumstances be what they may, but keep recognizing Jesus, maintaining complete reliance upon Him.

If you debate for even one second when God has spoken, it is all over for you. Never start to say, "Well, I wonder if He really did speak to me?" Be reckless immediately— totally unrestrained and willing to risk everything— by casting your all upon Him. You do not know when His voice will come to you, but whenever the realization of God comes, even in the faintest way imaginable, be determined to recklessly abandon yourself, surrendering everything to Him. It is only through abandonment of yourself and your circumstances that you will recognize Him. You will only recognize His voice more clearly through recklessness— being willing to risk your all.

Faith.. even the slightest.
Not dismissing God even if it's the faintest.
Eh God, how you know I will be reading it today?
How did you know to place it there to coincide with my thoughts and small little struggle in trusting you!?
Seriously... God, you are strange...
But now.. I love you even more!

Bex

Give me a restraining order... NOW!

2009-06-18T13:13:00.002+08:00

Nichii is having sale..
Starting today.
Up to 70% off.
I is want to go... NOW!
When would money start to grow on trees?

Bex

Credit Crunch

2009-06-17T08:21:00.001+08:00

Read http://shobanjraveen.blogspot.com/ on his 'Credit Crunch' (16 June) entry.

It would put things in a different light. =)

Sleep driving

2009-06-17T08:14:00.002+08:00

On Monday, I drove home from work.
I stopped at a traffic light.
Looked around wondering what the sequence was.

The next thing i know, someone was blaring his honk at me.
Huh?

I'd fallen asleep on the wheel!

I looked ahead.
There was a huge gap between me and the front car.

That means, the car behind has been honking me for some time.

Sigh.

I've lost the stamina to drive at night.
As soon as i get into my car, fatigues steps in.

I blame this on Solo.
He pampers me too much.
When I was studying (or slogging), the only time i would actually get a good rest was in his car as he drives me for dinner.
I think my brain has programmed my body to sleep in the car.

It used to happen only at night.
But in recent weeks, I have to fight sleep even in the morning.

So far, thank God, nothing has happened.
There has been many near misses... but the angels are keeping me and my Lisa safe.

I need to work on my stamina.
This 'disease' is hindering my social life

Like yesteday, I had to turn Solomon's invitation down to go to TARC CF for fear that i would not be able to drive home later.

Solo is pretty much freaked out also.
Cos he stays on the line with me as i drive to accompany me.
And i'd be talking gibberish, scolding him for no reason or just screaming when i'm sleep driving.

Poor him..
But it's all his fault!!

Bex

1 down..

2009-06-15T17:49:00.003+08:00

Finished CFP Module 1 yesterday!
Woo hoo!
It went ok.
Had some tough questions.
Results out in August i think!

I shall force myself to enjoy and NOT stress for ONE week.
Just ONE.

And then i will think of what else to study.

Will be deferring my CFP modules for a while.
I think.
Not conclusive just yet.

I think I'm addicted to exams.

ENJOY I MUST..
for.. ONE week.

Actually..i think i need to learn how to have fun!

bex

Tired but still going on

2009-06-09T18:13:00.000+08:00

I've been sleeping very little lately.
Sleep around 11pm.
Wake up at 2am.
Work.
Sleep at 5.30am.
Wake up at 6.00am.
Get ready for work.
Work till bout 6.30pm.
Dinner.
Study till 9.30pm.
Go home.
Shower.
Sleep.

How am I sustaining myself?
My head feels light and it takes a lot of focus to be in control of my words, thoughts and emotions.
When I'm tired, I get cranky and snappy.
Or I just lose focus and start talking incoherently.

But I believe God is pushing me.
Keeping me.
Every morning as I drive, I know I have to spend time in His presence.
Just to draw from His well every morning.
To date, I'm ok.
I don't know bout tomorrow.
Thank you Lord.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

There was a fire drill today.
Bell rang.
I saved my work.
Closed my computer.
Packed my purse and phone.
Took the painful steps down 11 floors.
My wound had actually stopped bleeding this morning.
I could see that it was alraedy dried and no expose raw flesh.
The walk today must have reversed the healing process.
Cos I checked, and I saw a patch of blood on my sole.
Sigh.

Someone I know had the time to change into sport shoes before walking down.
The walk down was so slow and long.
Seriously, if there was a real fire, I'd be dead by now.
Bottlenecks on the stairs.

I didn't realise there were so many people in these 2 towers till today.
Thousands and thousands!

Felt like school all over again!
Hehe...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I did a very hard thing today.
I prayed for someone for her exam.
I don't know why I struggled with it.
I have done well in this exam and perhaps wished to stay so.
Pride...lots of pride.
I'm a bad Christian.
Sigh.
I prayed anyways.
The same prayer that I would always pray for myself.
I must...need to learn to not lean on success.
I can't describe why i struggled to pray.
I just did.
Oh well..
Maybe i'm just tired.

Bex

It's Friday!

2009-06-05T21:39:00.004+08:00

This is the most relaxing Friday ever!

Normally, on Fridays, I will be rushing to CG straight after work.

Tired, hungry and sleepy.

Most of the times, by Friday, my energy will be zapped.

And then i would have to wait till Sunday to recharge... spritually and physically.

After my last blog entry, I could really feel a difference.

Even with the little sleep, I felt somewhat revived.

There was better focus and my ear didnt annoy me that much.

In fact, yesterday, there was a time where the pulse disappeared for a while.

Just for 5 seconds.

I really appreciated that 5 seconds of peace.

Thank you Lord for answering my prayer.

Once again, it reminds me that nothing is too small or silly for our Lord.

Imagine, the same God who built the universe, raise the dead...actually listens to our petty cries!

Isn't His love just so amazing?

Hmm.. I feel a long entry cominng.

Will keep it short.

So, here I am in Starbucks, One Utama Old Wing.

Taking a break.

Solomon is in front of me... lazing on the couch, preparing for his Sunday worship.

I just finished choreographing the activity for B.O.M.B tomorrow.

Tomorrow's topic is bout keeping the flame after camp.

I didn't go for camp this year but it;s my turn to plan the activity for youth service.

Lord, please move in service tomorrow!

Keep the flame alive in us Lord!

So anyways,... it's so relaxing here.

The past few weeks, after work, I have been sitting in MPH studying for my CFP exam which is next Saturday! yikes!

It's been hectic and draining.

Today, I decided to give myself a break.

No studies. No work.

Just spend time brainstorming with Solomon and enjoying each other's company.

Something we rarely do.

Cos we are both just so busy.

I just can't stop thinking bout how relaxing today is!

I wish everyday could be like this.

No rush. No "quick quick..i got things to do!"

In college, I thought that I would be able to spend more time with Solomon once I start working cos I wouldn't be so worried bout studying all the time.

When I started working, I became busy with work, church and my CFP course. Once again, no time to spend with him.

Was feeling rather guilty bout it.

Talking bout guilt... that's another long post for another day.

Solomon has been a very patient partner.

Always accomodating to my busyness and limited time.

Willing to put up with my temper when I'm stressed (which is most of the time).

Creative when it comes to thinking of how to spend the little time we have together e.g. half and hour lunches or dinner, the short distance from my office to my car in the parking lot, etc.

Calm when I get all confused which happens very often.

Forgiving even though I've hurt him beyond measure with my stupidity.

Funny when I need a hearty laugh.

Serious when I need a heart-to-heart talk.

(No... he's not going to buy me any shoes for writing all these good stuff bout him!)

So Solomon, this post is dedicated to you!

Thanks for always being there!

Hugs!

Us at Genting - Dec 2008

Just a little, Lord!

2009-06-04T08:07:00.002+08:00

Dear Lord,

Good morning.
If it's not too much to ask, please sustain me today.
Give me the strength I need to work.
Give me the alertness to focus and not make mistakes,
All I need is just a little of your grace Lord and it will be more than sufficient for me.
Please do not let my ear go 'dut-dut... dut-dut...'
Please also take the pain away from my left foot cos it really hurts and I can't work.
Thanks Lord.
Hope you're not too busy.

Your child,
Rebecca

dut dut dut

2009-06-03T13:13:00.000+08:00

Ear still pulsating.
Headache.
Nauseous.
Help!!!!!

bex

Needs and wants

2009-06-01T13:19:00.002+08:00

I want so many things.
One of them is to travel and start MY own life.
But to be honest, I think I don't have the guts.
I want to go out.
Gain from the forex.
But I can't.
Who will continue the work here if everyone leaves?
It's not my work but His.
I'm at His disposal.
Maybe i'm not needed.
If that's the case, why am I so reluctant to go?
It's hard.
The mind wants something but the hearts wants something else.
Fear i think.

I miss Norfolk park and the smell of the grass.

Goodnight

2009-06-01T02:11:00.000+08:00

For the final time...
Good night!

bex

Vascular Tinnitus

2009-06-01T02:04:00.000+08:00

Pulsatile Tinnitus
Sometimes a tinnitus noise beats in time with your pulse. This is called pulsatile or vascular tinnitus. Approximately 3% of tinnitus patients experience this kind of tinnitus; people with pulsatile tinnitus typically hear a rhythmic pulsing, often in time with a heartbeat. The most common cause of pulsatile tinnitus is arterial turbulence, a noisy blood flow caused by plaques or kinks in the arteries in the head or neck. It can be made worse if there is also hypertension. Many forms of pulsatile tinnitus are treatable.

Here is a list of the possible causes of pulsatile tinnitus:

Arteriovenous malformations (AVMs.) AVMs are abnormal collections of arteries and veins that sometimes occur within the cranial cavity near the auditory nerve. AVM pulsation against the auditory nerve stimulates the nerve, resulting in a pulsating tinnitus.
Carotid artery-cavernous sinus fistula. This is an abnormal connection between a very large artery and a very large venous pool within the cranial cavity. It is usually the result of severe head trauma. Treatment is nonsurgical, requiring the services of a radiologist.
Chronic inflammation and/or infection of the middle ear. Chronic inflammation is almost always accompanied by increased blood flow to the inflamed tissue; since this tissue is in the ear, some people are able to hear the increase in blood flow.
Middle ear fluid. The middle ear is normally an air-filled space. If, due to infection, inflammation or eustachian tube dysfunction, fluid accumulates behind the middle ear then pulsating tinnitus may result.
Vascular tumors in the middle ear. These are most commonly referred to as glomus tumors or paragangliomas. They are benign but can be troublesome and surgery is required for correction of this problem.
Venous hum. Patients who are pregnant, anemic, or have thyroid problems may develop increased blood flow through the largest vein in the neck, the jugular vein. The jugular vein carries blood from the brain back to the heart; in so doing, it traverses the middle ear. Turbulent blood flow anywhere in the course of the jugular vein can be heard in the middle ear as a "hum" which may or may not fluctuate with the pulse. Correction or resolution of the underlying problem often results in improvement.

The good news...
Many patients recover spontaneously - with or without treatment - during the first 6 months of suffering.

So..wait wait wait..

Bex

Sleepy

2009-06-01T01:43:00.001+08:00

It's 1.43 am.
And I'm still awake.
My drowsy medicines not working.
Hmmph...
But then, based on me medical history, I will only feel the effects during the day.
Which is why I do not eat medicines.

Ear is still pulsating.
I feel high.
Maybe it's time to sleep and continue working in office.
Good night world.

Bex

Audit

2009-03-31T08:10:00.000+08:00

I've been seconded to audit!
Yikes!
For a month.
Starting tomorrow.
My nightmare is about to start.

Woke up with a headache.
Wanted to take MC.
But figured, i have things to do.
I can't open my eyes.
It hurts.
My head is killing me.
Ouch!

New pup

2009-03-30T07:59:00.000+08:00

The Chan family has a new pup.
2 months old male.
Can hardly walk properly.
Drag his hind legs when he walks.
Cute.
Mouth opened wide as if laughing when i tickle him.
Blackish-greyish.
A shih tzu mixed with terrier i think,
Bobby we call him.
I need to toilet train him.
And that's the hardest part.
Especially when I have 2 lousy siblings who can't handle animals.
And yet THEY are the ones who buy would go bring the dogS back!
It's frustrating.
They teach bad manners.
And then expect me to do a miracle.
I'm frustrated.
Can't wait to get home to train him again.
Sigh..

Vanity

2009-03-27T12:52:00.000+08:00

I've put on 2-3 kgs.
It's depressing.
When i look in the mirror, all i see is big fat thighs!
Large arms.
Round face.

"Go to the gym!" I've been saying that for some time.
I will... in April. =p

Complaining without action is being a pest.

other than this self-conscious issue,
I'm still very much alive.
Busy with church, work, and Solomon.
Haha...

I think i need friends.

If you are still dropping by into this DEAD site, you are indeed a good friend.
Or maybe you are like me.. no life!

bex

bah!

2009-02-06T08:01:00.000+08:00

Yes i know I have been missing for some time.
2 weeks or so in fact.
I can't get my life into rhythm.
Or perhaps this is not the rhythm that I want.
Wake up - wash up - drive - work - drive - home - wash up - sleep.
Routine. Monotonous.
I tell my friends "I have no life".
And it's true.
In college, I was busy studying.
Push. Push. Push.
No late night mamaks.
No karaoke sessions.
No hanging out.
Life consisted of lectures, tutoials, library and my cosy little hostel room.
Thought it would change after finishing exams.
But no.
Still pretty much the same.
Routine. Monotonous.
No mamaks cos too tired and everyone is too busy anyways.
No hanging out cos I've got other commitments and responsibilities.
So, yes, I guess by the world's standard, I don't have a life.
Then again.
Who am I to complain?
It's my choice.
I don't really feel at lost to be honest.
Satisfaction in different forms.
I just feel a little out of the world.
Perhaps less rambling now.
I'm not making any sense.
Bah!

Hurt

2009-01-16T13:45:00.000+08:00

I was hurt.
You did not trust me.
My motives you questioned.
I turned to you for support.
But you ridiculed me.
Making you the same as everyone else.
Is it wrong to dream?
Is it a crime to try to reach for the stars?
Even if I might probably fail.
You disappoint me.
I am hurt.

Work & Play

2009-01-16T08:21:00.000+08:00

Tuesday (13 Jan 09)

Reached One U parking at 7.20am this morning.
Brisk walked to One World, reaching at 7.35am.
Immediately started registering participants for tax seminar.

The seminar helpers.

Front L-R : Andrew, Seng Kum, Cheng Yee, Li Hwa, Jan, Bex

Back L-R: Yee See, Jim, Lois, Sam, Yin Kuan

Busy till 9.30am.

Formal seminar helpers

Then surprise surprise!...
We were allowed to eat whatever buffet breakfast that was left.
Who cares.
The food was yummy!
Mamak fried mee.
Wholemeal tuna sandwiches.
Chocolate cake with some berries inside.
Cheese cake with strawberry topping.
Fruit tarts.
Fatteningly delicious!

With the tummies filled and times on our hands, what to do?
Pics of course!

Posing with the 148 certificates of attendace

Seminar helper team again

Us with Khee Ka (Tax IT guy) in the middle

Went back to office.
Then we were invited to join them for lunch.

I was expecting a simple buffet lunch.
But no…..
Lo and behold…
Chinese 7 course lunch!

Our wonderful lunch menu (Pic by Cheng Yee)

WOO HOO!!

Pic by Cheng Yee

Get to save money…..

Pic by Cheng Yee

And eat a sumptuous meal!
Thank you Jesus!

Great food.
But only because of great company.

God has been good.
I am blessed with wonderful colleagues.

Oh, One World hall is sooooooooooooo beautiful!!!

The lights in the hall

A wedding there would be magical!
Alas, it is all about $ $ $!
It’s a freaking RM 1488 per table for Chinese dinner!

Our lunch hall

Yikes!

Still... a dream wedding dinner it will be...

Sigh! *dream dream dream*

Penang weekend

2009-01-14T08:11:00.001+08:00

(Written on 12 Jan 2009)

For the weekend, we drove up to Penang to visit Vikki.
We = Sue May, Solomon and Me.
It was a great weekend.
I’m exhausted now due to lack of sleep.
But it was all worth it.

Friday
We left Shah Alam at 8pm.

Solomon concentrating hard on the road.

Stopped at McD along NKVE for a quick dinner.

On the Penang Bridge. Quite a number of cars on the road even at midnight!

Reached Penang at 12.15am.
Somehow, we were all wide awake.
Must be the excitement.
Driving at night was really peaceful and smooth.
Well… except when certain cars would drive past with crazy bright lights!
Blinding I tell you!

Reached Vikki’s apartment.
Dumped our bags.
Head out to Gurney Drive with Vikki and Tse Yong.
Had the famous rojak buah.
YUMMINESS!!!
They sprinkled some lime onto the thick juicy rojak sauce.

Came home.
Washed up.
2 am.
Attempted to sleep.
Cos Ms Vikki was busy interrogating me and Solomon.
This was the first time Solo and Vikki met.
So this means Solo has met the entire Hyperactive Chatterboxes girls.

Saturday
Left the apartment at 9.15am.
Vikki proceeded to force feed us until 3.00pm.
Breakfast – Glutinous rice.
Kek Lok Si temple. Cute turtles! Sue May and I bought the same shorts (It was cheap and nice!)

Sue May and Me at Kek Lok Si Temple. Doens't she look so tourist-y!

Asam Laksa.

Asam Laksa. Sweet and a tinge of spiciness.

Chee Cheong Fun.

Not the best one. It was moderate. I didn't take the pic of the good plate that i had later at night.

Yam Cake (smooth)
Yam cake (rough)
Rushed to Gurney Mall to buy Frisbee.
Cos I forgot to tell Solo to bring his Frisbee.
Went to ToysRus and cheated the store of Rm2.
We peeled of the price tag RM 14.75 to reveal RM 12.75 underneath.
Naughty Sue May and Vikki.

4.00pm.
Went to Batu Feringghi beach with all 17 of Vikki’s medical friends.
Hanging out with 17 soon-to-be doctors.
Quite an experience.
Realised that they are normal human beings after all.
Haha..

Sue May and Vikki waiting for the ropes to propel them into the sky.

Went paragliding and jet ski with Solomon.

A happy and satisfied Vikki and Sue May after landing on ground. Vikki was screaming "I'm going to die!" while landing cos she
couldn't pull the ropes hard enough for it to land. She was almost blown to the sea. Hillarious

FUN FUN FUN!

Us both at the beach. Somehow, we both wore the same England jersey.

My abdomen hurts.
But only RM 30 to fly in the sky and RM 20 to ride the waves.

All wet, happy and worn out after adventures of paragliding, jet skiing, frisbee and frolicking in the sun and sand.

8.30pm.
Dinner at Hong Kong.
Prawn Meehon-Mee + Grilled pari-pari + Oysters

11.30pm
Hot chocolate drink party with Vikki’s friends at her apartment.
Charades.

2.00am.
Sleep..
We were all knocked out.

Sunday
10.00 am left the apartment.
Dim Sum – Penang style. All self service.
Bought the Penang biscuits while listening to Tse Yong talk about how he just cannot work in the pediatrics department. Funny guy.
Cendol. Spent a whole hour talking about dogs.
Wantan Mee.
Home.

A very affordable holiday actually.
And I had so much fun!!
First time traveling with high school friends.
We were all so full but Vikki was just stuffing food down our throats!
I can just throw my dieting plan out the window!

Ouch… my abdomen hurts.
Not sure if its because of the parasailing…
Or the crazy super fast jet ski where I was laughing and screaming into Solomon’s ear at the same time while drinking the salty sea water and crying out cos the sea water was stinging my eyes.
Or because I was laughing too much for the entire 2 days!
But it was great fun!
Thanks Sue May, Vikki and Solo for a WONDERFUL weekend.
Love you guys!

Goodbye Penang!

Big 4 in the news...again!

2009-01-09T09:46:00.000+08:00

Another Big 4 case again!
And this time PwC is involved!
Yikes!
What’s with all the fraud cases?
So many new regulations have been introduced to govern the accounting realm.
There has even been courses and exams on professional ethics and corporate governance.
And yet man being man, being creative, can still go around the rules/guidelines.

The thing with fraud cases like this is that only a few people would benefit from it.
In most cases, only those in the higher management would gain personally.
The ones left to suffer are the employees who would have to be retrenched, possibly without any compensation as there is no money in the company in the first place!

Another party who would suffer would be the auditors.
Sometimes, I think that the auditors cannot be blamed.
Their job is to only give a true and fair opinion, not a 100% fool-proof conclusion.
Besides, the client can always hide or disguise things until they cannot be detected.
Still, it’s true that inexperience auditors/accountants would not be able to give a thoroughly professional opinion.

It’s not easy being an auditor.
I tried as an intern for 3 months at PwC.
It was hard work.
Every little thing must be taken into consideration.
The late nights.
The early mornings.
The rush.
Phew!

When Enron collapsed due to window dressing, Arthur Andersen was gobbled up by PwC.
And now, PwC is in the hot soup.
Hmm… there’s a pattern.

First it was Enron – Arthur Andersen.
Few months ago, Lehman Brothers – Deloitte.
Now Satyam – PwC.
The only Big Four not in the news yet is KPMG.
And I DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN!

Looks like, there will be more rules and guidelines in the accounting world.

This means more things to read and learn!
Bah!

You can read the article below.

Scandal shakes faith in accounting Big Four
(NST 9 January 2009)

An insider says PricewaterhouseCoopers was as shocked as anyone at the admission of years of financial deception at Satyam Computer Services.

A US$1 billion (RM3.53 billion) fraud at outsourcing firm Satyam Computer Services, dubbed "India's Enron", has shaken investor confidence in the world's Big Four accounting firms, which have expanded rapidly in Asia despite a general shortage of qualified accountants.

Ramalinga Raju, founder and chairman of India's fourth-biggest software services exporter, resigned on Wednesday saying profits were falsely inflated for years.

"This is shocking. I can't even let my thoughts go in the direction that there is another Satyam somewhere," said Shailesh Haribhakti, executive chairman of BDO Haribhakti, a consulting and management services firm based in Mumbai.

"I have very high respect for PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) who are their auditors, but it's incredible that such gross things existed and were not discovered," he said.

PwC said it was examining Raju's five-page resignation letter and declined further comment, though one insider said the accountant was as shocked as anyone at the admission of years of financial deception at Satyam.

PwC staff in Asia said they had received internal emails yesterday telling them not to discuss Satyam publicly.

"We are also shocked by the Satyam news and many of our colleagues and managers describe it as India's Enron, so you can imagine how big the impact will be to us," one PwC employee said on condition of anonymity.

PwC accelerated its Asia expansion in 2002 when it took over offices and staff from Arthur Andersen, which was auditor for Enron and once one of the "Big Five" global accounting firms, along with PwC, Ernst & Young Deloitte & Touche and KPMG.

Like its three big rivals, PwC has grown rapidly across Asia, particularly in China and India, recruiting thousands amid fierce competition for talent.Frank Lyn, PwC's Beijing-based China Markets Leader, said in November that a shortage of talent was the firm's top challenge in China.

It can take three to five years to groom a fresh graduate at a major firm like PwC to the level of senior associate, who can meet clients directly for accounting services.

But firms in busy markets have sometimes fast-tracked new hires in services that can be beyond their professional level.Sharmila Gopinath, research director at the Asian Corporate Governance Association in Hong Kong, said accounting firms face a lack of qualified people at all levels in Asia.

"Sometimes people, especially at the top, find themselves stretched at certain levels, especially when it comes to supervision of work," she said.

"While the Big Four work in places like India, China and Malaysia within the local context, they have a global standard which they must adhere to. Yet, the local rules can be vastly different and time-consuming to comply with," she added.

David Legg, managing director at Gerson Lehrman, a consulting firm specialising in private equity investments, said the Satyam case was a warning that investors should not rely exclusively on financial due diligence by accountants for deal-making decisions.

Gerson Lehrman says it provides "double-check" and in-depth research services for many private equity investors who also hire the Big Four for regular due diligence.

When markets turn bad and corporate frauds are more easily exposed, private equity firms like Blackstone and Carlyle seek additional channels to verify their investment portfolio or deal targets, Legg noted. - Reuters

Morning news

2009-01-08T08:56:00.001+08:00

What a day to start the morning.
I came to office and as usual, opened my inbox-es.
Outlook for company mails.
Hotmail for personal mails.
Gmail for formal mails.
Then I logged on to http://www.thestar.com.my/
And my heart broke.

Hope of deliverance: A Palestinian firefighter cleaning blood on a street in Gaza yesterday.
What the Palestinian people crave for more than anything else is justice, for the law had failed them. – Reuters

Innocent blood shed.
I wonder how many people had to suffer on that street.

For now, I thank God that I’m God has placed me in Malaysia.
I thank God that He has given me a chance to live a normal, healthy, peaceful life.
I thank God I can sleep in peace every night without worrying if a missile would hit my home.
I thank God I have food, clothes, entertainment and fun.
I thank God for everything I have and who I am now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jasmine, thanks for calling me yesterday.
Let’s see who will walk down the aisle first la.
I guess it’s a matter of which knight can ride the fastest huh? =p
And good to know that you are dancing again.
I’ve lost my motivation and passion la.
Want to go for lessons?

Depressed

2009-01-07T08:24:00.000+08:00

Mood : Depressed :(

Reason : Accumulating fat around the tummy, thighs and butt

Effect : Conscious effort to refrain from puking and starving

Initiation : Reduction of food intake and increase of aerobic activities

Target : Looser wrist watch (my wrist watch is the first thing that indicates to me whether i've put on weight or not) and flat tummy

Dateline : 2 weeks

Reason for failure : Laziness and greed

Mood again : Loser. =...(

Pestering family

2009-01-06T14:17:00.001+08:00

Family has been pestering me to uproot from Malaysia.
Burden is on me cos I’m the one with the English degree and visa, the one with the professional qualification.
It’s not fair.
I don’t feel that I should go… not yet anyways.
I will only go when God says so.
If everyone leaves, who then will be His servants here?

Mom, aunty, sis, cousins
Nag nag nag...

This is my life!
Shouldn't I live it the way i want to?

They keep saying don't get married so fast.
"Go enjoy life while I am young. Why tie yourself down?"
But here they are putting restrictions on my life!
Contradicting themselves.
They are tying me down.
I can't even go out and hang with my friends in peace.
Can't even go to church and help out without being lectured.
I can't do what i want to do with my life without feeling obligated to do this and that.

IT's MY LIFE for goodness sake!
Get off my case!

At this time, I'm wishing so hard that my prince would come and take me away.
Like the fairy tales.

But guess what?
This is reality.
And there's no such thing as knight in shiny armour.
Cos mr knight can't take the girl without having money to get a horse.
In reality, money talks.

Without money, what can one do?
(Solomon, i'm not blamming you. I'm just stating the cruel truth)

Unfortunately, money does not grow on trees...

Bah!

Drawing near

2009-01-05T13:52:00.000+08:00

James 4:8
Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. (King James Bible)

Ps Steffen based his Sunday message on this verse.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
Notice how the Bible says first we must draw near to God.
And then God WILL draw near to you.
It is a promise.
He is waiting.
Are we then willing to make that step?
Do we then have that desire?
Are we then prepared to take up the responsibility that comes along with having an intimate relationship with Him?

I have been struggling in this area.
I want so much to be close.
To be able to recognize His voice.
To be able to feel His tangible presence wherever I am.
Each time I tell myself to pray more, read more, study more.
Anything just to know Him more.
And yet, each and every time I fail.
It saddens me so.
I don’t know why it’s so hard.
Doesn’t the bible say “Draw near to Him,…”?
That is what I am trying to achieve!
I can’t seem to get close enough for Him to reach out to me.
It’s so frustrating.

But reading on the 2nd part of the verse, I got my answer.

Reading a commentary on James 4:8
Draw nigh to God, and he will draw night to you. If we wish God very near to us, we must seek to dwell very near to him. Only sin keeps us afar off.
Cleanse your hands. Of evil doing.
Purify your hearts. Of evil thoughts.

Cleanse and purify.
There are certain aspects in my life that needs to be thrown out.
There are things in my life that I need to stay away from.
There are parts of me that needs to be corrected.

Sin keeps us away.
Uncle Joshua prayed over me.
He prayed that I would have the discernment and strength to stay away from the things I need to stay away from.
I didn’t tell anyone of my struggle.
And yet, God being sovereign sent Uncle Joshua.
To remind me that I am still loved.
To remind me that God is a God of miracles and there will be many things in store for me in 2009.
To remind me that my efforts would not avail to much without the strength of God.

Actually, I can go on and on talking about this.
But I will stop here.
As a reminder of what God wants and His promises, I’ve set my wallpaper to this.

I want to draw near to God.
I want Him to draw near to me.
I want to delight Him.
Cos I know, I can’t do anything without Him.

New Year resolution

2009-01-02T09:44:00.001+08:00

My new year’s resolution – in random order
(I hope I can keep them!)

1. Consistent quiet time with God (I always give in to sleepiness)

2. Sign up and regularly attend ONE class i.e. dance, vocal, language, piano, violin etc.

3. Will only eat lunch at One U once a week. Rest of the days, I will eat at Tv3.

4. Save as much money as I can – no more buying things that looks cute or nice or cheap or may have use in the future when actually I don’t need them.

5. Memorise bible verses

6. Be nicer to Solomon and my family. I need to stop releasing my temper and frustration on these innocent people.

7. Exercise at least once a week, and eat less. I’m putting on weight. I feel like a buffalo.

Okla.
I think that is enough.
Now, if only I can keep them.
Sigh.

2009

2009-01-02T09:36:00.001+08:00

Welcome 2009!
I greet thee with open arms and a wide smile! =)

This year’s new year was special.
I finally got to spend it with Solomon… alone!
So, I got to give him a big bear hug!
Yay!

Actually, we were supposed to be in church for watchnight service.
But we had some logistic problems.
Solomon picked me up from One U after work to go for my mum’s birthday dinner in Klang.
I left Lisa at One U.
Dinner ended at 10pm.
We attempted to go back to One U to pick Lisa up.
Got stuck in the stretch in front of Sunway Pyramid for over and hour.
Turned back to my house instead.
We both needed to take a shower before going to church for the youth’s new year party.
By the time we reached my house, it was already 11.30.
When the clock struck 12, I just stepped out of the bathroom.
We looked at each other and realised that this is the first time we are ushering the new year alone.
And we had missed the enter watchnight service.
We laughed and there came the big-i-can’t-breath-please-let-me-go hug.
Not for long cos we had to rush to church for the party.

BOMB’s new year part started at 12.45am and ended at 4.00am.
It was good.
A great way to kick start our youth and to hype things up.

Reached home at 4.45am.
Joyce ran straight to her bed without changing.
Joshua immediately changed and jumped into bed.
Jeremy went to shower first.
Rebecca didn’t know what to do.
So Rebecca grabbed a novel and read till 6am.
And slept till 1.00pm the next day!
Woo hoo!

I’ve never spent my new year this way before.
Never stayed up till so late.
Actually, I’ve never spent my new year anywhere else but in church.
I’m not complaining.
What better way to welcome the new year than to be in His presence?

Lord, I pray that this year, I would grow more in You. Help me to love You more and to be obedient to Your word. For 2009, I ask that You would change me to be more like Jesus. Help me to be more patient and compassionate. Give me courage to do Your will and the strength to be Your child. Transform my mind Lord and help me to be a real Christian, instead of me trying to be a real Christian. I surrender 2009 to you Lord. I believe that it will be a good year because Your words says that “all things work out for good to those who love the Lord.” Amen!

Reflection on 2008

2008-12-31T14:30:00.000+08:00

Caution: Long post ahead.

A new year is coming!
In fact, it will be 2009 in 8 ½ hours!
2008 has been a great year.
God has shown himself faithful and gracious throughout the whole year.

2008 is a year of accomplishment and achievement for me.
It was also a year that I learnt the most – academically and non-academically.

I finished my TARC Adv Dip.
I completed my ACCA (a miracle gift by God!)
I obtained a SHU degree.
I visited…

Paris (twice!), Lauterbrunnen (Switzerland), Germany, Austria, Belgium, Amsterdam, Rome, Verona, Pisa, Florence, Venice, Vatican City, Northern Ireland, Sheffield, Manchester, Birmingham, Nottingham, London (3 times!) and Dubai.

I have a job.
I met up with my high school friends after all these years.
I celebrated 4 years together with Solomon.
I bought lots of shoes and clothes.

I found out that I have the sweetest boyfriend in the whole entire world.
I learnt to cook.. and how to travel without my parents.
I appreciate my parents more now than last year.

I saw how amazing God is.
And yet…
I saw how weird God could be at times.
I know God much better than I did last year.. but there is still so much more that I do not understand!
I went for Hillsong Europe Conference – a dream come true.
I had a glimpse of what heavenly worship would be.
I had a chance to imagine how beautiful the Garden of Eden was.

I made new friends.
And had to painfully learn that not all are who they portray themselves to be – positive or negative.

My dad released his own autobiography.
My brother was given an opportunity to work in Kuwait.
I saw myself in national newspapers more than once.

I also had the most trips to the clinic thanks to TARC and ACCA.
I put on weight.
I had to reinvent myself due to certain circumstances.
I discovered that things don’t always run smoothly, especially when there is a fusion of different characters and personalities.
I got (and still am) increasingly frustrated with my own flaws.
I realised that EVERYONE is hypocritical… including me.
My dog Fibi got fatter.
I am broke.
I had to keep a secret all to myself.. even though it was… is… tearing me apart.
I learnt that not all guys are sincere nor do all guys have noble intentions.
I had more breakouts.
I had to learn to let go of the past, to embrace the present, and to welcome the future.

All in all,
2008 has been a fantastic year.
I’ve done so much.. more than I could have dreamed of.

Indeed, God has blessed me and my family in so many ways.
I feel that in 2008, God has mould me in different aspects.

Spirit. Emotion. Relationship. Finance. Academic. Faith. Trust. Love. Loyalty. Obedience. Friendship. Strength. Meekness. Prayer.

Thank you Lord for all that You’ve done for me and my family this year! Thank you for providing and doors. Thank you for granting my family favour. You deserve all glory and honour. Whatever I have and who I am is truly because of what You have blessed me with. You are Jehovah Jireh*, Jehovah Rohi*, Jehovah Shammah*, Jehovah Nissi*
and Jehovah Shallom*!"

Ephesians 3:20
Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine. (God’s Word Translation)

* Jehovah Jireh - The Lord my Provider
* Jehovah Rohi - The Lord my Shepherd
* Jehovah Shammah - The Lord who is Present
* Jehovah Nissi - The Lord my Banner
* Jehovah Shalom - The Lord is Peace

Disturbed

2008-12-31T08:58:00.000+08:00

I have been reading on the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.
I feel very disturbed.
Especially after seeing the comments left on a certain leader's blog.
There is so much anger and hatred - some unjustified and unnecessary.
I doubt they even understand the cause of the conflict because their comments are seriously shallow.
They just keep spurring up hatred and anger.
One person even said that "we should have just let the Western wipe all the J out".
What?
Here they are talking about human rights and human dignity.
And now they wish and pray that the entire population would be extinct.
Ironic isn't it?
I don't claim to fully understand the whole scenario.
I am still struggling to make sense of it.
Each party has their own story.
And being a Christian, naturally, I would be biased.
But still, I do not pray that God would bring judgement and destruction on the other side.
I do not wish that they suffer.
I do not like what our fellow countrymen is saying.
There are too many sensitive undertones.
It makes me scared.

Movie - Ip Man

2008-12-30T15:39:00.000+08:00

It is not easy to get good movies lately.
My definition of a good movie is one where when the credits roll, I feel satisfied.
The feeling that money was well spent.

A good movie always give me room for discussion.
I enjoy disecting a movie with Solomon, just to debate on the issues that surfaced.

Yes, it's been a while since I've been satisfied.

"The day the earth stood still' was utterlyl dissapointing.
There was no development of character.
Storyline was bland.
Too much special effects instead of emotions.
(But i get the message la... save Mother Nature! Actually, the way they highlighted this point was kinda hillarious!)

"The Duchess" was a rather good one.
After the movie, i couldn't stop googling more details bout Georgina.
Poor lady.
Inspiring movie.
Tearful storyline.
Satisfied.

Yesterday, i watched Ip Man at Genting.

This was Solomon's first time at Genting's cinema.
The movie didn't disappoint us nor did it runied his experience.
RM 16 each was worth every cent! (Good comfy seats too!)

IT WAS INCREDIBLE!

Not much special effects like the Hollywood ones.
But i think that's what made the movie even better.
With what they had (good cast, music and cinematography), raw emotions were laid bare.
Each moment was clearly handled.
Pauses well inserted.
Fury. Passion. Compassion. Meekness. Nobleness. The CHINESE spirit. All wonderfully presented.

We thought Donnie Yen played the role really well.
He pulled it off perfectly!

A good round of discussion was sparked after the movie.

When the lights were turned on, there were huge grins on our faces.

It transformed our initially chaotic-noisy-migraine causing-frustrating trip at Genting so much sweeter.

Ip Man.

Go watch it... especially if you are Chinese!

You will feel so proud of your heritage!

PS: Yes...i know. I'm Malaysian.I know i can't even speak chinese. But somehow, this movie stirred up what ever little Chinese DNA in me. =)

Old Stories

2008-12-30T08:40:00.001+08:00

I know this is a very old news.
But I just stumbled upon it whilst browsing the web.

Chinese girl gets 'kiss of deaf'

Couples are advised to "proceed with caution"

A young Chinese woman was left partially deaf following a passionate kiss from her boyfriend.
The 20-something from Zhuhai in Guangdong province arrived at hospital having completely lost the hearing in her left ear, said local reports.

The incident prompted a series of articles in the local media warning of the dangers of excessive kissing.

"While kissing is normally very safe, doctors advise people to proceed with caution," wrote the China Daily.

The doctor who treated the girl in hospital was quoted in the paper explaining what had happened.

"The kiss reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear."

The chorus of warnings was echoed by the Shanghai Daily, which wrote: "A strong kiss may cause an imbalance in the air pressure between two inner ears and lead to a broken ear drum."

The young woman is expected to regain her full hearing within about two months.

And this is not the first case.
In June 2008, a 4 year old child also gave the 'kiss of deaf' to her mum by kissing her mum on her ear.

Kisses are scary.
But this is funny la.
One moment there's passion.
Next moment, there's horror.

Now you hear it, now you don't!

Work again! :(

2008-12-30T08:18:00.001+08:00

It's the Eve of New Year's Eve!
And i'm back at work.
Blegh!

Can't complain though.
I had a good 5 day break since Christmas!

25 Dec - Church; Hang out with Solomon watching TV
26 Dec - Running errands with Solomon; Dinner with the Ho family
27 Dec - Youth ministry meeting; Gerard's suprise birthday courtesy of Jolynn; Lunch with 2 lovely bros (Gerard and Edwin); Summit of the Nyners (SMKS reunion) at TGIF
28 Dec - Church; Lazy day at home
29 Dec - Genting with the entire Ho family... havoc.. extreme havoc!

Came to work very early today cos Solomon sent me.
I need to upload my pics soon.
I see my colleagues trickling in.
Wonder what the day holds for me today!

God bless the Eve before New Year's Eve!

Yummy Lunch

2008-12-24T15:20:00.000+08:00

It's Christmas Eve!!!
Woo hoo!!

After a very long discussion which also involved our associate director,
we decided to eat at Nandos.

Janice started the ball rolling by emailing everyone (ecept the associate director) bout lunch.

Andrew suggested Fish & Co.

But it was shot down.

Sam suggested Dragon-i.

And suddenly a flurry of emails began.

Suddenly, Jim suggested that the associate director footed the bill.

This was Andrew's reply to everyone, and sent to Ms XXX (Associate Director)
"Dear Ms XXX, Jim suggested that we forward our lunch bill to you from Dragon-i. Would you like to join us? It's a pool gathering for Christmas"

We all burst out laughing.
Jim was panicking.
Andrew was snickering away.
Ms XXX.... was oblivious to the surroundings cos she was absorbed in work.
She also has her own cubicle unless us who are exposed in the open.

Ms XXX replied
"So late only invite me. You all memang tak ada hati. Next time i know what to do already. No, i already have plans. Enjoy yourselves"

Everyone burst out laughing again when we slowly opened our inbox.
Jim was so relieved.

Then Jim said she won't be joining us cos she's going to Nandos.
And so the entire cohort changed direction and went to Nandos.

Good lunch.
But super costly!
RM 16... without drinks!
I can't continue eating at such expensive places.
Must frequent the economy rice shop more!
Sigh.

2 more hours to go...
Then i can go shop for my dress!

I need a dress!

2008-12-23T16:32:00.000+08:00

Oh.. i was googling for dresses.
And i found the dress above.
Isn't this so sexy?
Hahaha...

It's the eve of Christmas Eve!
I don't have a Christmas dress!
Yikes!
I thought my box from Sheffield would have arrived by now!
It has been almost 8 weeks!
My summer dresses are in there!

I miss Jane Norman - her style is my style.

Shopping I must go.

Actually I bought a dress 2 weeks ago.
But it seems inadequate for Christmas.
Haha..
I guess I'm just finding excuse to get ANOTHER dress!

Shopping... maybe later today.
After the High Tea.
Oh cannot.
Have to pick my dad up from work.

Sigh.

Time to go!

Once again.. Merry Eve before Christmas Eve!

Strange

2008-12-23T16:01:00.000+08:00

I was sitting quietly doing my work.
A lady approached me.

"Are you Rebecca?"
"Yes"
"I saw you in the papers."
"Er... yea.. *smiles*"
"I thought you looked familiar. How come you are the only one with a studio shot? *quite serious tone*'
"Oh..i was in UK then. So i couldnt come back for the photo shoot with ACCA. Thus, i had to email them whatever I had"
"Oh... *looks at me like i'm crazy* I was wondering if this girl was trying to be an ACCA achiever or a model...."
"*giggles nervously* er...trying to be a model kua..."
(was thinking : what's wrong with this woman? i want to send nice pic i send la. you got problem is it?)
"Why you working here at K* firm? All the other top achievers are either in E* or P*!"
"*smiles* Cos K* is nearer to my house"
(was thinking: i want to work here you got problem is it? if you think K* firm is not good enough.. then you go to E* or P* la. why you want to stay here? i like the culture here ma. and K* is well-known for tax services ma. what's wrong with you! think i dumb dumb is it?)
"Oh..cos most top achievers won't chooses to come here at K*"
"*just smile at her absurdity*"
"*walks off after scrutinising her victim*"
"*smile*er...whats' your name?*smile*"
"i-think-i'm-too-good-for-this-firm chinese-name chinese-surname*"
"nice to meet you.. see ya!"

*Names have been changed.

Some people are just so inconsiderate!
I felt so annoyed by her response.
Nice picture means that person has no brains is it?
Achiever MUST work for the larger 2 firms is it?
Work here means downgraded is it?
Ssshh...

Maybe i'm just sensitive.
I don't deny it... i am sensitive!
I worked hard for it.
It's not like it fell from the sky ok!
I'm proud of what God has blessed me with!
And don't you dare make me feel like I don't derserve it.

It wasn't the way she said it but more of her tone.

Sshh...

Anyways... that ACCA thing is old newspaper story already!

2 days till Christmas

2008-12-23T09:21:00.000+08:00

It's 23rd December.
I haven't done any Christmas shopping.
Don't intend to.
Sorry.
Not this year.
Next year perhaps.
Let's celebrate anyways cos..
It's the eve before Christmas eve!
Woo hoo!

And the present for the eve before Christmas eve is... my...
1st REAL salary!
Yippidi yuppy yay!

Thank you Father for helping me to secure this job even before i graduated.
Thank you for helping me fit in to the company and for giving me amazing, friendly and helpful colleagues.
Thank you for providing me with my salary so that i may be able to sustain my life here on earth.
And so..i bless you in return.

Company's christmas high tea later!
Food..food.. food!!

Ok.. I'm sleepy.
Had 2 small nasi lemak for breakfast.
Wait... i can feel hungry pangs already!
Oh crap.

Anyways, Merry Eve before Christmas Eve!

Jesus is the reason for the season!

A new beginning

2008-12-22T14:46:00.000+08:00

Another blog.... again!

New phase of life
New blog

Wonder if this would even last a year!?

Woof-Roof-Poof!

First time

Monday blues

Got.to.move.on

Money money

Shopping....yet again!

Embarrassing event # 1

Car Sticker

Rain + sleep

F1

Regrets I have a few

Career Quiz

Latest record

Money money

New place

Taxation is taxing

Happy

Frustration

Tired and Angry

Cravings

Sunday... and in office

Sleep deprived.... still!

Sleep deprived

blegh!

Claustophobic?

A night in the hospital

Friday!

Give me a restraining order... NOW!

Credit Crunch

Sleep driving

1 down..

Tired but still going on

It's Friday!

Just a little, Lord!

*dut dut dut*

Needs and wants

Goodnight

Vascular Tinnitus

Sleepy

Audit

New pup

Vanity

bah!

Hurt

Work & Play

Penang weekend

Big 4 in the news...again!

Morning news

Depressed

Pestering family

Drawing near

New Year resolution

2009

Reflection on 2008

Disturbed

Movie - Ip Man

Old Stories

Work again! :(

Yummy Lunch

I need a dress!

Strange

2 days till Christmas

A new beginning

dut dut dut